How I met your father…
How will you know when you’ve met “the ONE?”
I certainly wrestled with this question. Your Pappa and I met in University, and I found him thoroughly fascinating. He was in his senior year, getting ready to graduate, and seemed to have already figured out so many things, that I was still trying to get the hang of. He was also from a faraway land I knew nothing about, and his accent made him seem so worldly-wise and glamourous. Here he was, a man of the world, who had already been to places I still longed to discover. Yet, he was incredibly down-to-earth and approachable. Good looking. He was engaging and interesting, and made no effort to play games, or put on “airs.” He was just confidently, authentically, himself.
I was a theatre major, and was busy with a play for our University, when we met. He seemed to appreciate that I had an interest in the arts, and not only did he show up to see the play, (before we even started dating) but he wore chinos and a button-down shirt. Now, maybe I’m a simple girl, but it was college, and I was impressed.
We got to know each other better, and I learned that we shared the most important thing; Faith in Jesus. Our families were similar, meaning we also had shared “values and norms.” Our expectations (for the most part) seemed to be in sync. At this point, I would advise you to ask yourself these questions about the person you are interested in dating seriously.
- Are they a Believer in Jesus? What do they think about Faith, Church, Family, etc? Would you trust this person to raise your children? If you were the parent, is this someone you would choose for your precious child? Why/Why not?
- Do you respect them as a person?
- Do they show up for you? Do you show up for them?
The weeks turned into months, Pappa graduated and moved back to South Africa, and invited me to visit. I took a semester off from school and went to stay with his family for two months. They welcomed me with open arms, for which I’ll always be grateul. It was thrilling to live in a new place, meet new people, experience a new culture, and it was a beautiful place. A place where it’s easy to fall deeply in love, and we had few responsibilities, since we were living off the money we’d made during our summer jobs. Two months later, I flew home, leaving my heart behind.
I came home, utterly lost. I had no idea what to do with myself. I knew that theatre was something I enjoyed, but not something I wanted to spend my life doing. I knew I wanted to study and develop a skill… but I just didn’t know what. Money was tight. I needed to work, find a direction for myself, and figure out what your Pappa and I were doing. Sure, we were in love, I respected him, appreciated him, and longed to be with him. But how? And in the meantime, we missed each other very much. And so, to fill the time until we could see each other again, we wrote letters. Email had been invented, (seriously, it was a new thing…) and this allowed us to write to each-other daily. In this way, our relationship continued to grow ever deeper.
- Do you love them, deeply? Not just the butterflies and goosebumps of being “in-love,” but that deeper, abiding love? Do you LIKE them?
We spent a couple years dating long distance, while I finished my design degree. I would spend my summers in South Africa, Pappa would fly to the US for Spring-break and we would alternate Christmases. I swung like a pendulum between, “he’s the one” and “this makes no sense, we come from two different worlds.” Every time I would make the heart-breaking decision that we should break-up, I knew it was a conversation that we’d have to have in person. He just meant too much to me for a phone-call break-up. So, I would fly to South Africa, ready to make the break. I would arrive, and soon after I’d remember all the reasons why I loved him. A couple times I managed to have that hard conversation with him… He would listen, (really listen) then say, “Ok. I hear you. Let’s talk about it more tomorrow.” All that pent-up stress would melt away, and I would just “be” and in the “being” all those worries and “what ifs” would disappear.
It was Christmas, 2000, when we all got together with my side of the family. The tradition, for as long as I could remember, was Christmas with my grandparents in Michigan, and then uncles, aunts, cousins… the whole lot of us would go up to northern Michigan for snow-skiing. When I’d left South Africa the previous August, we were really at a make-or-break point. We’d had the break-up conversation again, but it was definitely me who was wrestling with fear. “Was he the one? What would our life look like? We come from two different worlds?” (Not so different, but SO far apart, and we are both close with our families.) I prayed and prayed over this. One night, my dad sat me down, and he said, “That man is an amazing person. You either need to let him go, now, for good, or you need to marry him.” I didn’t even think… I just blurted the thought that flooded every fiber of my being, “But, I don’t ever want to live without him!” My dad and I just looked at each other. “Well, there’s your answer.” And I knew. I just knew. My prayer had been answered.
- Pray about it! Let the Lord lead you. (But remember, He will never lead you contrary to His Word.)
Most of the milestones in our story were things that resonated with ME. Your list may look different. But the day I said “I do!” and your Pappa and I wed, we began to build a life together. We’ve both worked hard to create this life, and we give all the glory to God for what He has blessed us with. In the end, I have a husband who loves Jesus (the absolutely MOST important thing!) is deserving of the respect he’s owed, cares about and serves his family daily, provides and protects, loves deeply, makes me laugh and listens to my dreams, doesn’t take me too seriously, and man-oh-man, I hope I never have to live a day without him.
